it is just time

its time for me to get back to me.time to get back to knowing him. time to get back to learning and teaching. its just time!

i miss reading my bible studies and i miss going to church. i guess i will have to get over the not having fellowship the way i want to and i guess i will be doing bible study on my own. but that is okay. i will be doing it on my own and i may not have the fellowship i am looking for but i will have him and i will know him.

it all got away from me and i wont allow it anymore. i miss him and it is time to get back to him !!!

love dare

so i have been doing it but really the first few days there isnt anything to really talk about because we do these types of things anyways ... but i am sure that it will come to were its hard and i am venting. stay tuned

the first work out

what was i thinking .... it hurt ... i dont feel much right now but i am sure i am going to feel it soon. I had a friend that worked out with me so it made it easier. Do i want to do it again?? yea .. no but i will. Right after we sat down and talked about some things and shared some things. We got deep and teared up. It is nice having others on the same path.

Now all i have to do is stick with this . So i will atleast try three times a week and also watch what i eat. Food doesnt have to make me happy it just has to taste good...

so here i go !

And so it begins

I will be doing two challenges at once. Love Dare and The Husband project. Love dare is longer so at around 21 days i will be left with just one.

Day one:
love dare-

Love is Patient.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love- Ephesians 4:2

Dare-
resolve to demonstrate patience an to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.

husband project-
project one-
30 Mins is all it takes - create some free time when he gets home

how is love dare you ask?

Well i dont think i have put my all in it this time around and its only day three. So i have plans on starting all over today and put my all in it.My husband as been the best. I know it is hard for him being laid off but he should be porud of him self, hes a hard worker. its time for a break. Ok today i start my self loving time. i will be working out with a friend and i know it will hurt and i hope i can get through it. im not to sure i can so we shall see. I want to love me more ... yup even more then i already do because i think i have earned it.

i am off now i should be posting in tears not to long from now, so we will see if my fingers will be the one part on me that doesnt hurt.

Back ... No really i am back

Now that my brother has came to town and has worked on my computers I can now get back to my blog. Recently I have been trying pretty hard to get things on track but it hasn’t been too easy. The truth is I don’t think I have been trying the hardest that I could be and I think that now is better then any other time to get on myself.

I was blessed enough to meet a group of people (ladies) that are Christian and are on the same path if not very close to the path that I am on. We are all going to start love dare together. Some to fix their problems that they may have, and others to just keep the happiness that they have now still going strong. Some like myself have already tried getting through love dare but just couldn’t. So now we have others to talk to about what we are going through.

On Friday I went to a meet up with those from this group and enjoyed myself.AS I have said many times before, I have a hard time being so open about my love for God and one of the things I am working on is letting go of that. So on the way home while driving I told myself when my house gets back to normal I wanted to sit down and write an email to all the ladies (who yes all gave me their email addys) and thank them. I have found women my age who are so open about their love for God and their passion was just so great to see that it made me see that it is okay. It hit me so hard that I broke down crying listening to a song that spoke the same message I was asking for. I have realized that every last one of these ladies was brought to me for a reason ...

so here we go people ... im back to my many challenges ....

What i have been up to

I have been a busy mommy.I have been doing Aprils school work with her, working with Havanna on her schooling and getting started on some of those harder things with Tatiana. Cristofer is getting so big and is starting to sit up on his own.I really don't seem to find to much time for me, even right now i am hearing my two youngest scream at the fact that i am not right next to them. Mommy April to the rescue wants to spend time with her brother and sisters. I keep trying to overhaul my home with different systems and trying to get my kids to conform to what i want them to do. I know i have very well behaved children and that i should be happy that they are so good. I have come to realize over the last few weeks is that i am the one who needs the over hauling.

so this is where i am now and i hope this will work better for my family. We are all going to take steps to get our home and life's in order. Priorities need to come back into play and we have to fix our individual relationships. Here is some of the things we will be trying. First we will be working on our one on one relationships with God. My DH is working with a book called The Man Code and is working through his personal relationships that way. I at the moment feel i have a lot to work on. Even though my DH is the head of the house hold i am the the one who keeps it going down the right way. There are a lot of things i need to work on and i will be taking a few areas at a time and asking for guidance. As of now i will be working on not yelling, not using bad language and respecting my family more. My children will be working on their listening skills which should come a lot faster when i change the way i respond to those moments when they aren't listening so well.They will also be working on them self, characteristics and personalities. I am hoping by bringing in more family time and more prayer and devotion time that they will see the characters that play a big part in life. My husband and i will be working harder on installing these and at the same time we are hopeful that our relationship will get stronger as well through this change. We still plan on staying modern but will be having personal values and morals will be sticking to rather the out side world agrees or not.

The reason i am doing all this, some might think its to look like a better on the outside. But really i am so tired feeling like i am failing my children everyday. I have since the beginning that i wanted to be a certain type of mom. I have not done that or been that person and its time i step back and stop trying to be that super mom every ones pretends to be and put my focus back to what is best for my family.

Join me on this journey of ups and downs.... laughs and tears and i am ooo so sure late night rambles on this blog....

i have been away for so long

sorry i have been away so long. all of my computers havent been working and my cellphone wont let me post. but now io am back and look forward to getting back to my challanges and posting. it will take me a little to work my self in to free time to do so but thank you to those who read!