my struggle - trying to not try so hard

church, i have gone back. it has been a mixture of happiness and feelings of how much more easier it would be to just stay home. the children are having a blast {well the older ones} and my hubs and father love it as well. i love it dont get me wrong but it still just isnt what i think i need. the first week back it went great. the kids {all 4} went into there rooms had fun and played. no tears. the fellowship was simply wonderful. the second week, while the fellowship was still ok the babies didnt want to be there. they came in with us which made it not as enjoyable as with them in their rooms. i was unable to worship due to the music being to loud for them. then last week. well it just was no fun. i missed half the message for the same reasons as the week before and it was just not as pleasant. i am hoping that it will i need it to. i need fellowship i need the time i need the messages.  i just need them