Wednesday, April 6, 2011

My Solution to Every Problem

 I am one of those people who think i can find all the answers in books. I have this feeling that books can fix anything. I have come across many books that have done just that and some that are pointless. I enjoy buying, reading and sharing a good book. But what happens when my solution becomes a problem?

No i am not saying that it has but simply asking a question. I have been looking for me for a while now and at times i think i have done a good job doing so! Other times, well lets just say i remember how lost i actually am. So there are a few more books that i am adding to my self help get back to me project. These i am happy to say i look forward to doing and i know will have some mind blowing difference for me once i sit to read them and do them.

The first book is a bible study. I have been trying to do one with a friend of mine but honestly got tired of waiting on her to start one with me. So i went out and got a copy for me and my project buddy to do together. Its called A Grand New Day from woman of faith. I look forward to what it has to offer and what i learn from it. The second book is from one of my favorite authors. I know i can never go wrong when ever i have one of her books to lead me. I am a big supporter of all her books because they make sense and actually speak from a true heart. Kathi Lipp has three books that i own each a 21 day project to better something in your life. This third book that i have 
is call The Me Project. 
It is something that i look forward to 
doing with my
accountability partner. 
I encourage you to check these books out and see what they can do for you !!

When... a rambling 3 am rant

There are those times when you feel like you have to give up on things even when you know you should stay strong. I  usually would never write these feelings out for everyone to see but i guess it is time to say something to hopefully get back to what i may actually miss.

Growing up i dealt with a lot of things that "normal" people may not have to deal with. I have always had this "gift" of seeing. Weather it be a spirit or a moment that has yet to happen even earth quakes. Wait people i promise i am not crazy. This is something that has been apart of my family even before i was born. I never knew how to deal with it or talk to people about it. One day i opened up. BIG mistake. I thought i could easily talk to someone. You know with out judgment. Boy was i wrong. I love honesty even when it may hurt but do not do well with ignorance. I am always judged as the girl who wants to be important or does things to be noticed when in reality i am no where near that person. I have accomplished so much in my life that it would be easy to build myself up to make myself sound important. Yet there are just a few "gifts" that deff couldnt be used to do so.

So i took the time to let someone in. To share this and ask an opinion on how to make it better. I from a very young age could tell you just from feeling alone and sometimes vision that there would be a earthquake. This brought people in my life who witnessed it to the point where they would make sure to have all safety measures ready just in case. So when i had to people there to back me up when sharing this i still expected to have to go further in to what i see and dont see. By no means did i expect this person to make me feel like i was just trying to seem important. Actually the question that i had asked was, i am having trouble sleeping because i cant deal with the feelings that these visions bring anymore what do you think i should do? the response was " in my opinion i think that this is in your head and that it is more about feeling important then anything else." WOW

Even if you dont believe or you think i am off my rocker why would you  say that to someone who came to you because they were in a bad way? Why would you want to be hurtful? People who know me know i am not one who needs to feel important that when someone crosses me i usually delete them out of my life. I am working really hard not to shut down and to continue getting better at being me. But it is hard when you no longer have a want to be around these people. To be apart of anything they are doing. It is hard to share something to just be shut down. ITS HARD.
Hopefully getting this out finally and saying something even if no one hears it or can understand my rambling it will feel better. I can try to get back to the life i was enjoying. I watch who i talk to now and what i share but i still want to be open.

we shall see