Wednesday, April 6, 2011

When... a rambling 3 am rant

There are those times when you feel like you have to give up on things even when you know you should stay strong. I  usually would never write these feelings out for everyone to see but i guess it is time to say something to hopefully get back to what i may actually miss.

Growing up i dealt with a lot of things that "normal" people may not have to deal with. I have always had this "gift" of seeing. Weather it be a spirit or a moment that has yet to happen even earth quakes. Wait people i promise i am not crazy. This is something that has been apart of my family even before i was born. I never knew how to deal with it or talk to people about it. One day i opened up. BIG mistake. I thought i could easily talk to someone. You know with out judgment. Boy was i wrong. I love honesty even when it may hurt but do not do well with ignorance. I am always judged as the girl who wants to be important or does things to be noticed when in reality i am no where near that person. I have accomplished so much in my life that it would be easy to build myself up to make myself sound important. Yet there are just a few "gifts" that deff couldnt be used to do so.

So i took the time to let someone in. To share this and ask an opinion on how to make it better. I from a very young age could tell you just from feeling alone and sometimes vision that there would be a earthquake. This brought people in my life who witnessed it to the point where they would make sure to have all safety measures ready just in case. So when i had to people there to back me up when sharing this i still expected to have to go further in to what i see and dont see. By no means did i expect this person to make me feel like i was just trying to seem important. Actually the question that i had asked was, i am having trouble sleeping because i cant deal with the feelings that these visions bring anymore what do you think i should do? the response was " in my opinion i think that this is in your head and that it is more about feeling important then anything else." WOW

Even if you dont believe or you think i am off my rocker why would you  say that to someone who came to you because they were in a bad way? Why would you want to be hurtful? People who know me know i am not one who needs to feel important that when someone crosses me i usually delete them out of my life. I am working really hard not to shut down and to continue getting better at being me. But it is hard when you no longer have a want to be around these people. To be apart of anything they are doing. It is hard to share something to just be shut down. ITS HARD.
Hopefully getting this out finally and saying something even if no one hears it or can understand my rambling it will feel better. I can try to get back to the life i was enjoying. I watch who i talk to now and what i share but i still want to be open.

we shall see

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