a disappointing day

i guess with every few happy days there has to be a not so good day. and i guess that day has come today for me. i have planned my life knowing it would be all about my kids and i knew that what ever i did would be for them. so when my oldest started school i knew i would be a class mom and be there to do home work and what ever else i could to show my little one how important school is !!! me and my husband talked about this from the first moment she was in my belly. he knew what i wanted out of life as a mom and it seems for him that has all changed!!!!

today my daughter had a bad day at school but yet it started off very well for the both of us. she ran in to play with her friends and i was asked by the teacher if i could come in and help with the basic assessment test for the class. so i said sure knowing i wouldnt have to run it by my husband because this is something we have spoken about over ad over again as recent as the first day of school this past monday. we both told the teacher that if she ever needed any help to just let me know. i guess for him he didnt really mean it.

because his response when i let him know he would have to go into to work late was that of semi anger and what the hell are you thinking. my children have never been baby sat and now because he thinks money means everything and he doesnt want to miss work i have to have our children baby sat because i dont want to go back on my word to the teacher. the lady who will be doing this is nice and all but why should someone other then me and erik(the parents ) watch our children ...

i am trying my very hardest to let this all go but i just cant seem to get past it. i am hoping writing this all out will make me feel better but i dont see it working as i am typing.

i just find it very unfair. i dont think i am asking for to much. all i ask for when it comes to our kids is to put them first. and i am scared that my children will learn that work should come before everything else and i dont want to them to learn that money is everything. which my husband thinks it is. something we are trying to work on.

uhhhhh i just cant let it go... why cant he understand that i see school being more important then anything else. because if we dont show interest now and everyday here on out then what will our children think when it gets hard. i remember my parents having no interest or care if i completed school and only if they wanted to be more apart of that part of my life maybe i would have cared more ...

hopefully i can go to sleep letting this go and wake up in a better mood because this is weighing me down stopping me from wanting to better the relationship i have with him. i find this as believe it or not a disrespectful act towards our children and me. i have been working my ass off trying to keep things going and some how some way he finds a way to throw in a wrench to screw things up and bring us to a point were i dont even want to speak to him.

hes off to bed now knowing i have to do a lot of things (some he is suppose to do ) to have our house half way ready for some one to watch our three younger children in . so while hes off in lala land i will be working my bottom off with already hardly any sleep.

i really hope to be in a better mood tomorrow and not let this affect what i have tried to accomplish.

disapointing